Dialect
Scarborough Fair by Simon and Garfunkel
-Original
-If Sung by my mother
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine
I suppose you expect me to give you a ride to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
Maybe your friend Taylor’s mom’ will be there, and we can talk about the terrible girl in your dance class,
I should’ve stayed with my high school boyfriend
Tell her to make me a cambric shirt
(On the side of a hill in the deep forest green)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Tracing a sparrow on snow-crested ground)
Without no seams nor needlework
(Blankets and bedclothes the child of the mountain)
Then she’ll be a true love of mine
(Sleeps unaware of the clarion call)
Stephanie, can you sew your sister’s shirt?
(the tripping fields at my college were so green you could hear it)
We ran out of pepper? Whatever. I don’t use it.
(The birds outside my window are fucking annoying)
Grandma used to do needlework, you know. She made the piano bench.
(Wash your own sheets. Don’t touch my washing machine.)
I should’ve married my first boyfriend
(I don’t snore when I sleep)
Tell her to find me an acre of land
(On the side of a hill, a sprinkling of leaves)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Washes the ground with so many tears)
Between the salt water and the sea strand
(A soldier cleans and polishes a gun)
Then she’ll be a true love of mine
I wish I lived in the country
(I’d paint trees. And pigeons.)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Someone clean the dog pee off the kitchen floor)
I never go in the ocean
(Your friend’s cop fiancé is yucky)
I really should’ve married my high school boyfriend
Tell her to reap it in a sickle of leather
(War bellows, blazing in scarlet battalions)
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
(Generals order their soldiers to kill)
And to gather it all in a bunch of heather
(And to fight for a cause they’ve long ago forgotten)
Then she’ll be a true love of mine
I want a new leather jacket
(Did I tell you how I used to have a red one but then the blacks got bused in and one of them STOLE it? And I had the receipt and, principal wouldn’t do anything, and then, the toast is burning you moron, grandma got a new one and they didn’t have red so I had to get brown.)
Parsley? Yeah add more. It’s pretty.
(I’m going to kill your sister if she doesn’t clean her room)
That Heather, I really like her. She’s kind of chubby though.
(I want a new puppy. What was I saying?)
I really, really should’ve married my high school boyfriend
Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme
Remember me to one who lives there
She once was a true love of mine
Are you going to Scarborough Fair or not? Because I’m not driving you. Grey’s Anatomy is on.
YOU EXPECT ME TO MAKE DINNER NOW?
Now I don’t even remember what I was talking about
Oh right, I hate your father.
